the adventures of mel

you smell damn delicious.

2009-05-03T13:00:00.000-07:00

Voted employee of the month. The boys are back in town. Beer pong. Smelling one another intensely. Belting out the "Hedwig and the Angry Inch" soundtrack. RAIN RAIN RAIN. 16 ounce Newcastles. Taking bathroom breaks in pairs...boys in the sink, girls on the seat. Nightmare Before Christmas tattoos. Pressure points. Redheaded Sluts (the drink). The best fucking blueberry pancakes in the world.

i am such a neglecting bitch.

2006-03-07T19:54:00.000-08:00

i left you for so long. most everyone's gone away, or like joe bloggs put "GONE" by my name.so sad.well i'm back. hooray! maybe? right? or do you not miss me at all? i understand. anyway, i published the last post which was a draft i forgot to un-hide. it's cute and makes me happy.the boy and i are doing good. been dating for almost 13 months. wow. my dad's all anti-the-boy now, but wtf ever.so

i got an iPod.

2005-08-27T11:16:00.000-07:00

hello, dear friends.i've been VERY busy, so this is another lousy recap post.so me and the boy are officially an item as of about 2 or 3 weekends ago. it was sweet. we went to the top of this nearby mountain that looks over the city, and he kissed me. and that was that. i pushed him off, stood him up and didn't return several of his phonecalls for six months and he never went away. guess he's a

old photos, big hair, my reading list.

2005-07-05T19:41:00.000-07:00

we're about to cover the massive naked wall in our living room with arty black and white family photos. my parents looked scary in the '80s. people in the south sported feathered haircuts waaaaay too long after they went out of style, like most other things.i had a four-day weekend (ohmigosh, i know you're so jealous). i got many things accomplished. my drafting table is finally in my room. the

drunken whore adventures, volume two

2005-06-25T19:55:00.000-07:00

the boy has a friend who owns a skatepark and he throws a lot of after-hours parties. it used to be an old gym, so one half of it is a skatepark and the other is a sort of unfinished, do-whatever huge ass room. he's been in business for a couple of years now and is doing really well.but yeah, i got pretty wasted there on friday. it wasn't the first time.i was drinking before i got there because

work, bitch! volume five

2005-06-21T15:04:00.000-07:00

when you "lose" a file in harddrive never-neverland, does it make a sound? if i were to guess, i'd suppose it sounded like a flock of seagulls.(the band or the bird, it all works.)

for jasem, the best makeout partner ever.

2005-06-16T20:41:00.001-07:00

i went down to savannah for memorial day weekend, the same weekend as my "official graduation." i skipped it but still went to the james brown concert in the park. as mentioned a few posts earlier, it was a jasem weekend. i spent that saturday with him at the round house while he finished up his installation.this is a photo of jasem, my love, and one of his project partners with their

disenchanted

2005-06-11T10:25:00.000-07:00

Main Entry: disenchantedPart of Speech: adjectiveDefinition: let downSynonyms: blasé, cynical, disappointed, disenthralled, disentranced, disillusioned, embittered, indifferent, jaundiced, knowing, mondaine, sick of, sophisticate, sophisticated, soured, undeceived, worldly, worldly-wise(ex: "Melissa is disenchanted with the boy, life and her job. All are mediocre and at a standstill.")

redneck adventures, volume seven

2005-06-05T19:26:00.000-07:00

i met some friends for bowling saturday night. i beat all the guys. woohoo. played in the arcade for a good hour. i won a light-up keychain in the shape of a hand that says, "OK." yeah, i don't get it either.then we piled up in the back of the boy's truck and rode around. after giving the "hell yeah" and "hey sexy" to some dumpster divers, seeing how fast mcnuggets could fly and giving croutons

death becomes her.

2005-06-01T20:56:00.000-07:00

my indoor cat died today.the same with the seizures and all. (it's obviously our dickhead neighbors leaving out antifreeze. and lo and behold, the city won't do anything about it.) i've had cats all my life and he was by far my favorite. he was very vocal and always understood what you were saying. he loved sleeping in my bed, but refused giving kisses. he drooled when you rubbed in between his

blackmailed, she fell off every mountain.

2005-05-30T23:36:00.000-07:00

i had to watch a cat die today in my garage.well, it didn't die right then, but it was well on its way. it took animal control over an hour to get here. by then the cat had had 4 or 5 seizures where it flopped around, muscles curled up and eyes buldging out like it had seen a ghost, all while puking and spraying us. it sounded like a child being sufficated. i have never heard a cat make that

pink is my signature color.

2005-05-14T17:11:00.000-07:00

steel magnolias is the best movie EVER.anyway, hope you like the pink. sorry i've neglected you, and i hope the comments are working ok. will update soon!

i puked up a whole _____________.

2005-05-02T21:01:00.000-07:00

that's the phrase i've used the most over the past week. i didn't have a stomach virus, but a super bad sinus infection that made me puke up snot and anything that went down the old piehole.some of my faves were:"i puked up a whole moe's burrito.'"i puked up a whole special breakfast my dad made.""i puked up a whole bottle of water all over my safe place and got to go home four hours early from

i like ginger snaps.

2005-04-25T18:45:00.000-07:00

first off, "l'via l'viaquez" by the mars volta is the sexiest song in my life right now. i love it. and i think someone's trying to kill my garden with all this bad weather. could someone turn off the cold air, please? yeah, thanks.i saw mindless self indulgence on thursday. GREAT show. the lead singer does an acapella version of a wutang klan song, while shaking around a fake ficus tree. and he

the best of the random

2005-04-18T19:19:00.000-07:00

the other day at work a lot of people were in our little work area, when all of a sudden my boss looks to me and says loudly over everyone's heads, "HERE, PUT THIS IN YOUR MAGIC PLACE."the end.

half-hoping for a showdown.

2005-04-06T23:24:00.000-07:00

hello folks.my life lately in a nutshell:----------i recently sold six freelance pieces. ROCK.----------i've started a garden in our yard. it's huge. i used a heavy, gas-powered tiller all by meself. forget being dainty. i'd rather be butch any day. especially if it produces pretty things.----------i'm currently obsessed with the dresdon dolls. they make me want to sit around in my underwear and

work, bitch! (volume two, three, four)

2005-03-26T09:34:00.000-08:00

coming soon, as promised, a mel special powerpoint presentation, complete with footnotes:(sit tight, i'll try to get it online soon.)because i've been a bad blog monkey and haven't posted in quite a while, here's a special condensed three-volume post.volume twoi dress up nice for work because i feel obligated. i have one skirt that is very '50s housewife looking. sort of like a short version of a

work, bitch! (volume one)

2005-03-12T09:03:00.000-08:00

sometimes i'd like to think that i was meant to do what i do, which is design — or put simply: make things look pretty. but then there are weeks like this one that make me want to go on a neck-cutting spree with a 5-foot long machete.i can't go into too much detail but i will say this: some people just need to sit back, let go and allow people to do their jobs. especially if they're paying big

i've written a lecture on why i have to leave

2005-03-02T19:48:00.000-08:00

so why does your best guy friend always have to end up wanting to date you?he's ruined everything. and i'm pretty sure he's just doing it to get even with his ex who cheated on him with eight different guys. there's the sympathy factor, the comfort factor, the i-need-hugs factor. it also doesn't help that he's my gateway into the social circles here. i don't know if i'm more mad at him for quite

drunken whore adventures, volume two

2005-02-22T19:46:00.000-08:00

so i finally got drunk for the first time since my not-so-grand college graduation in november (!!!).and it was back home with a lot of old friends who i met the summer before i went off to school.some CRAZY CRAZY CRAZY stuff happened, but ummm...here's some random notes of interest:(1) apparently a lot of people there were stoked to finally see me get drunk with them. they were pouring "boners"

i just want bang, bang, bang

2005-02-14T19:58:00.000-08:00

i found jesus in a magnetized piece of plastic.

2005-02-06T10:50:00.000-08:00

all these "god bless our troops" magnets are driving me insane. mostly because (a) it's a trend and if you dare go against it you'll be burned and bitch-slapped and burned again, for being "unpatriotic," "godless" and "not supporting our great president" (b) most of the places that sell them donate very little, if any, of the money to the armed forces. i think i'm going to make a magnet that

drunken whore adventures, volume one

2005-01-16T02:06:00.000-08:00

this time about a year ago my friend threw a party. he threw a lot of parties, and i was a drunken whore at almost all of them. this time there seemed to be a vast quantity of people i really didn't like. at least like, five. generally it's hard for me to really not like someone, but these people all have their own special qualities. they included: (1) the i'm-way-more-indie-and-unique-than-you

freetranslation.com

2005-01-11T09:32:00.000-08:00

i made this for my brother because he just went back to georgia tech for spring semester and i figured i'd post it because EVERYONE but me is going back to school. aww, sweet degree. that's gary, my superhero applehead chihuahua who recently ran away or could possibly be dead :( pray for him. and don't make fun of me...the nearest computer with photoshop is at least 30 minutes away. in the

vote for pedro

2005-01-07T20:18:00.000-08:00

if you haven't seen napoleon dynamite you're missing out. it's like, the best movie mtv's made besides office space. i just had the weirdest week of my life. if you're just joining us here at the adventures of mel (notice i say "we" when it's really just me), i just graduated from a large art college and had a job at the campus bookstore. i went back this week to help out with rush week when

pity party in the ladies' room

2004-12-30T19:54:00.000-08:00

when i get stressed at work i ride the elevator two floors up and sit in my second-favorite bathroom stall (my first-favorite is the one with the creepy window in it that overlooks the neighboring tourist trap. and someone ALWAYS has the blinds open. i have a feeling i know which of my coworkers does it, because they seem like a total exhibitionist. i leave the blinds open sometimes but then i

my christmas

2004-12-25T23:30:00.000-08:00

my 2004 christmas consisted of this recipe: 2 cats peeing and cat-humping 1 broken christmas tree 6 hours of mad video game playing 30 minutes of hardcore working on my portfolio site 2 minutes of watching a gross ham boil in a pot (i hate pork so much, i'd love to be jewish) 1 day of listening to all my brothers' fake-rap songs they make for fun 45 seconds of doing the "running man" dance in

i'm just a visitor here, i'm not permanent

2004-12-21T09:03:00.000-08:00

i want to paint. i want to start playing the violin again. i want to get another part-time job so i can feel safe in knowing that i have a steady paycheck and that i get discounts somewhere. i want to buy the sexy new g5 imac. i want to find gary. i want to stay in my parents' house forever just for the history of it all. i want to buy my family everything they want for christmas. i want to

from the house of whore-moans to the house of terd-blossoms

2004-12-20T09:39:00.000-08:00

i'm back home again. don't try to keep up with where i am, because i don't even know. what i do know is that moving SUCKS. it took one SUV-load just for my art supplies and projects. as i was leaving, my sluttly neighbor stopped me to talk about the falcons (and how they're totally killing this season!) and asked me to go bowling. it was rather odd. after he went upstairs to his apartment, his

exit ramps and highway tramps

2004-12-15T17:51:00.000-08:00

this past weekend i went home with a car full of my stuff because my parents wanted their vacuum and SUV back. while driving down this one stretch of highway that's seriously rail-straight for about 200 miles, i saw the most beautiful thing i've ever seen: a midget construction worker. it was so magnificent, i cried on the spot. it was the most magnificent thing i've ever or will ever see. i'm

hi, my name is melissa. i have commitment problems.

2004-12-12T23:36:00.000-08:00

problematic situation number one: last week i was out with a male friend, someone i've known my whole college career. we hung out and watched this semi-crappy metal band play outside in the freezing cold. then went to target for fudge-covered oreos and to make fun of screaming kids. afterwords he invited me back to his place for a few drinks and a movie or two. i accepted because he's one of the

styrofoam

2004-12-08T18:51:00.000-08:00

Sty·ro·foam: A trademark used for a light, resilient polystyrene plastic. Example: "Melissa has been unwrapping boxes of textbooks all day, every day now for two weeks. Her lungs are two saggy plastic sacks full of styrofoam because she works in a basement with poor ventilation. Sometimes Melissa wishes of making styroangels in the large mass of styrofoam pieces while dreaming of her styroman in

there's a killer in my closet

2004-12-06T19:11:00.000-08:00

i think i've gotten about 38 hours sleep in the last 48 hours (well, the last 48 hours before i went to work at noon today). nothing but sleep, sleep, sleep in my dusty, first-floor apartment. every time i start to drift off to sleep (which is, on average, about three times a day lately), i feel like there's something looming in my closet. it's one of those large, creepy closets with the huge

fuck you, shape magazine.

2004-11-29T07:09:00.000-08:00

after ordering a pair of shoes from my favorite catalog, i was given an offer for three free issues of three magazines. of course, numero uno was martha and i also chose wired because i like the way the paper they print on smells (you'd have to be a graphic design kid to understand such a love). nothing else really caught my eye until i scrolled down and saw shape. being of somewhat-sound mind

1,736 points for me

2004-11-25T14:19:00.000-08:00

OH MY GOD, I'VE FINALLY GRADUATED COLLEGE. with two degrees, no less. hot damn! my finals this quarter = 5 hours of sleep over the course of four days, consuming nothing but "bladder busters" (32oz. cokes) and taco bell, working in the dusty basement of the bookstore and staying in the computer lab for 12 hour shifts at a time. j and his hot indian mamas had it a lot worse than me though.

i sold my soul for an accordian.

2004-11-15T21:41:00.000-08:00

not to steal the spotlight from monkey, but i ABSOLUTELY have to post some things i read tonight on grouphug.us (sorry, monkey!): My wife is leaving me for a guy she met online, but she doesn't know that I know that's the reason. Little does she know I've completely hacked into her computer and know everything. I know everything about this guy too. I know where he works, lives, all his phone

jumbo pak

2004-11-14T13:18:00.000-08:00

my saturday nights lately have involved me spending hours of aimless web surfing after i get off work, then going to wal-mart or other 24-hr facilities and blankly staring at different items in the shampoo aisle. sometimes this involves j. like last night. don't ask but he walked out of the store with four bags full of panty-liners and chocolate bars. i told him he looked like a girl who just

i farted in public.

2004-11-05T20:14:00.000-08:00

i totally didn't mean too, but it ripped out really loud. it's probably because my diet lately has only consisted of: (1) girly beer (2) gas station sodas (3) old s'ghetti. doh! you know you're old when: you escort your younger brothers to an arena concert and you end up kinda drunk and falling asleep in the cushy balcony seats halfway into the opening act. not because you were tired but simply

attention: jose cuervo is not your friend.

2004-10-29T13:03:00.000-07:00

hello. why are you reading this? i've neglected you. i've treated you like crap. i haven't been by your place in about two months now. i suck. with that said, thanks for continuing to visit the adventures of mel even tho i've neglected the hell out of it. current life: i'm hung over today. went on a drunken ghost tour with about 20 or so kids from work last night. there was a lot of repressed

birthdays all around

2004-08-29T09:27:00.000-07:00

sorry i haven't been around much. this is my recent life as follows: more work at the "other" radio station. summer quarter finals...bfowejoiwehoawehwse. ouch. i scored a temp job at the campus bookstore. to quote kevin spacey in "american beauty': i rule. also, my birthday was yesterday. i'm a big fat 22. i had to work at a music and seafood festival all day, which basically consisted of me

"forbidden fruit makes a lot of jams"

2004-08-21T22:40:00.000-07:00

...sayings on church marquees crack me up. reminds me of a church back home that's very small and radically conservative (if that's such a thing). one year around christmas they put a weird saying about a local private highschool on their board that said, "DARLINGTON HOUSES SATAN." some kids changed "satan" to "santa." not a great story, but interesting in its own right. funny to think of a

hoodrat, hoodrat...hoochie mama!

2004-08-19T22:27:00.000-07:00

i heart my new internship. i have to attend a lot of events, so one day i'm at a strip club seeing 2 live crew perform live, then the next day i'm helping with a yard sale for a charity. it works really well for a schizophrenic like myself. makes me feel "regular" if you will. 2 live crew was great, by the way. it was really weird though because they had the olympics' recaps on the tv screen on

i live in the house of whore-moans

2004-08-13T21:46:00.000-07:00

seriously, i've heard more raw sex in the past 48 hours then i ever want to hear again in my life. it all started yesterday morning. it rained a good portion of the day before due to tropical storm bonnie and i was super afraid it would get worse as the night progressed. needless to say, i was paranoid when i went to bed. so at 6:30 a.m. on the dot yesterday morning, i bolt upright in bed and i

sportsorama

2004-08-08T16:23:00.000-07:00

i only get one channel and that's abc, and i'm pretty sure i'm getting it illegally off my neighbor upstair's line. so after working like mad on my children's book, i turn on the tv to watch the u.s.a. men's basketball dream team beat turkey. i totally forgot that i once thought alan iverson was kinda hot. turkey scored more 3-pointers than i have ever seen in my entire life, but we still won.

cheetah

2004-08-01T07:35:00.000-07:00

i came home for the weekend, and right now i'm listening to old school hiphop and baking a surprise birthday cake for my dad. there are also about five animals running around my feet that don't even belong to us, in addition to our four. what a day. it sure beats the hell out my cable-less, internet-less apartment where all i do is sleep, spy on people at the pool and talk to my plants. feather,

i like the word "magistrate"...

2004-07-27T08:49:00.000-07:00

...it's kinda like masturbate, but with a whole different unrelated meaning. not that i like, watch a lot of weirdo porn or anything, but lately i've been obsessed with the idea of someone bare-assed farting in someone's mouth. that has to be the sickest thing of all time. especially if it's a "wet one" or an infamous "machine gunner." yeah, i need a life.

nipples....yum.

2004-07-19T20:38:00.000-07:00

so when someone uses dogpile to search the keywords "jane kaczmarek," "nipple" and "photo," my blog comes up as #16 on the list. don't ask me, i didn't do it! was one of you lovely visitors. hispanic people keep thinking i'm hispanic. ever have a random person approach you speaking another language, assuming that you speak it as well? you'll feel like your on mars, but not in a good way. here's

there are days when a warm look from a strange face will make me forget my name

2004-07-15T07:24:00.000-07:00

here's a list of things that have happened in my life during the past couple of days. sunday: i spent the entire day marveling over how when you drop a tampon in the toilet and it expands, it looks like a minature stingray. a bloody one, but a stingray nonetheless. monday: found out my only surviving grandparent has skin cancer for the third time, and the radiation needed to treat it could kill

how can you love me when i have so much gas?

2004-07-09T20:08:00.000-07:00

half redneck adventure: i live on the first of two floors in my apartment complex. we all have patios or balconies depending upon which floor you live on respectively. we got notes taped to our doors a week or so ago from the manager asking us to please remove any objects from out patios/balconies because they were going to be pressure-washing the outside soon. so the guy above me never cleans

life, kisses and other wasted efforts

2004-07-07T16:30:00.000-07:00

so in the past week or so marlon brando died, serena williams got beat at wimbleton by a 17-year-old and kerry picked edwards. the latter is the only one i was really happy about. here is mel's misinformed, half-paying-attention, hippie-minded, elementary level, from-the-safety-of-her-overpriced-college-apartment rambling about politics: ABC pisses me off! not nightline but whatever other huge

stabbing art to death

2004-07-03T12:26:00.000-07:00

i skipped class on thursday because the aforementioned professor's comments still had me boiling. what a douche. i stayed home and dyed some clothes in a bucket in my tub, like all good trustfund hippies do. friday: saw fahrenheit 9-11. if you haven't heard of this film, you must live under a frikken' rock (like my mom). it was pretty unnerving. indepth, but also completely skipped some areas.

gay men, gay men! everywhere!

2004-06-29T18:53:00.000-07:00

oh, how i missed them so! i'm so mystified by them now that i can't even speak to them. i just have to watch them in awe. i'm such a pathetic hag. but i love me some gay mens, that's for sure. in other news, school is weird. glad to be back, but class sucks. i had this whole kickass idea for the redesign of scad radio swag as a project for my graphic d studio 2 class, but my prof told me my

bad apples, perhaps?

2004-06-26T11:18:00.000-07:00

my dreams have been extremely vivid lately. for instance, two weeks ago i had a dream about a guy i dated for 8 months back in highschool. he was basically the first love of my life. but in the dream, me and my best friend from highschool (now plainly referred to as "the whore") murdered my ex and buried him in her room. he turned all green and pathetic-looking, but we thought it was the

i fogged up the glass

2004-06-22T07:09:00.000-07:00

hello. yesterday was officially the weirdest day i've had in a while. it was pouring down rain when i woke up at 7am (hot damn, getting up early again SUCKS). as per my new diet, i ate a big bowl of oatmeal and some strawberries, blueberries and banana chunks, thinking all that natural sugar had to get me at least somewhat awake. well, it didn't. i nearly fell asleep during my children's book

viva la casa anaranjada

2004-06-16T09:39:00.000-07:00

first off you should really really really go visit a good friend to the adventures of mel, mr. monkey. he recently had to put his dog of 14 years to sleep because of medical problems: I cannot watch my dear friend of so many years suffer - yesterday he went downhill very quickly, and his poor little short Corgi legs wouldn't even work, he would try to come to me and fall and yelp in pain. head

redneck adventures, volume six

2004-06-14T12:32:00.000-07:00

last night i saw e sneaking around the kitchen with a biscuit in his hand. he looked at me then nodded over at his friend who was sitting at our computer desk (a silent heads up as to what he was about to do). so i said, "just as long as you sweep up the crumbs after you do it..." he grinned then flung the little hard biscuit at his unknowing friend, pelting him in the back of the head with it.

redneck adventures, volume five

2004-06-12T23:58:00.000-07:00

i came downstairs last night to find my brothers and one of their friends sitting around looking bored. before i knew it, i grabbed a dish towel and started popping them with it. to do this: (1) grab a dish towel (2) take an adjacent corner in each hand (3) twirl the towel horizontally so it twists up (4) wet one end (5) holding the dry end, quickly sideways whip the wet end toward something and

hell's bells

2004-06-12T11:40:00.000-07:00

...god, what a day to have ACDC stuck in your head. so i woke up this morning and stumbled downstairs to find my mom just on the verge of foaming at the mouth. apparently, the mom of one of e's bandmates/friends (let's call him k) called at like 7 this morning to inform my mom that she was kicking k out of her house and junk, because he'd been sneaking out and had been driving his aunt's car

elbow to the head. foot to the ribs. repeat.

2004-06-09T22:10:00.000-07:00

i need a fucking gay man!! i'm out here in my hometown of 10,000 drunk, overly agressive rednecks. all this alpha male testosterone is killing me. KILLING ME. i got whistled at by like, five guys on my way to kroger the other day. while i was in my pajamas, buying tampons and a gallon of milk. yeah that's so damn hot. i would totally go after an unbathed, bleeding bitch like that. wouldn't you?

i got a sleepy head.

2004-06-08T15:19:00.000-07:00

don't think i mentioned this before, but i've been constantly sick since like, november 2003. you know that feeling you get in your jaws and mouth right when your ears are about to pop? like when you're on an airplane or a mountain? my ears pop like that about 3-5 times a day. and it's f'in painful. eventually it started causing migraines and a few occasional blackouts if i ever got super

norwegian '70s glam rock

2004-06-06T23:15:00.000-07:00

i've been involved (on-and-off at first) with my college's student paper, district, now since september 2000. i've been a writer, illustrator and photographer, and was an art director for about a year and a half. here are some snips of my farewell article "99 things i've learned at SCAD" that i'm submitting in the fall. (please note: these are not the funniest ones...saving those for when it gets

laura's mixtape

2004-06-06T16:23:00.000-07:00

this is laura: laura is my friend and she is from north carolina. she used to go to scad with all us folks, but she transferred out after sophomore year to a larger state university closer to her twin sister. laura is a really cool person, kinda timeless in a way. she's a singer/songwriter who's put out two great cds already. she really likes female singers like tori amos and ani difranco, but

runnin' home

2004-06-04T21:39:00.000-07:00

so my new favorite song is rod stewart's "gasoline alley." damn, that's a great song. p.s. don't you hate the first week of the month? i feel like i have tons of bills due, but i don't...

redneck adventures, volume four

2004-06-02T20:35:00.000-07:00

my brothers had an xbox tournament a few nights ago as a b's graduation/their korean friend's farewell party. there were about ten kids here gathered around four different tvs. as per true redneck tradition, when things start to get boring, you start setting stuff on fire. they soon had every flammable, sprayable product from our house (lysol, breath freshener, cologne) and took it outside on

redneck adventures, volume three

2004-05-30T19:40:00.000-07:00

you may remember a post a few weeks back describing how our septic tank is overflowing and bubbling up in our front yard? it's made a 7-foot circle of thigh-high grass because, well, it's growing in our poop. needless to say we haven't really gotten the mower anywhere near it. until today. E decided to plow through it. he got stuck. in the middle. of the circle. 10 inches deep in feces. it was

all he ever wanted was a snowcone...

2004-05-29T12:23:00.000-07:00

this is a mel original picture. i didn't steal it from anywhere on the net or any bogus crap like that—it was at my brother's graduation so i snapped a quick shot. also, i love animals and i didn't personally hurt this one or condone its death or put the plastic spoon in its fragile little paws. poor guy. all he ever wanted was a snowcone...

i am not mel gibson!

2004-05-25T12:01:00.000-07:00

google-ing "the adventures of mel blogspot" brings up nearly 20 pages of people blogging about how much they hate mel gibson for thinking he's god. try it, you'll see! in other news, while phoning around for an apartment in savannah i dailed the 1-888 number of one of those cookie-cutter apartment communities. it rang once then someone picked up. "mmmmmmm...you like me all wet, don't you? yeah..

like the water, i wanna keep runnin'

2004-05-25T00:23:00.000-07:00

21 days till i move back to slow-vannah. b's graduation was nice. however the valedictorian gave the most bitter speech i've ever heard. this is a direct quote, "i've never been on the homecoming court or been very popular. so it does give me a little ease to be standing here before you as the valedictorian...you'll soon learn that being popular or having a lot of friends won't get you anywhere

i like clowns.

2004-05-22T23:18:00.000-07:00

i believe i've now impressed all my brothers' friends with my mad halo-playing skills. ha, not really. they just all think i'm good for a girl who's only been playing for a week. silly kids. so i've been home now for a good two months and i haven't produced one piece of art. nothing, nada, zip. it's making me kinda itchy to even think about it. like i'm about to be fired for not doing my job.

my cute sweet fiend princess

2004-05-18T13:25:00.000-07:00

do you hate me now for not updating this in a while? yeah, i hate me too. so you're not alone. went to savannah on friday may 7 for the annual scad student media awards and got little plaques for being an art director at district and asst. promotions director at scad radio (wow, mel's gettin' down with them thar links, ain't she!). the editor and general manager both gave sweet little speeches

bambi the hooker and a case of beer, and more poop stories

2004-05-05T01:06:00.000-07:00

this past weekend, i got to see my brother dress in drag and pretend to be jessica simpson in front of 1,000 people at the highschool's variety show. it made a faghag proud! (even though he's not gay and my hag status is temporarily retired) i went both nights, and both times i was surrounded by people i'd been trying to forget or avoid: ex-boyfriends, old friends, highschool teachers, people i

redneck adventures, volume two

2004-05-02T22:33:00.000-07:00

my entire family is mesmerized by all functions that are bodily, especially poop. more often than not, my brothers and dad share poop and fart stories like war veterans talking about missions in 'nam. they do this in front of my dad's boss, in front of their own girlfriends, in front of people they don't even know. i think their favorite game is the "fart in the middle of a crowded aisle in

crooks and gimps and one-eyed pimps

2004-04-30T00:31:00.000-07:00

this just goes to show that when you let mel take a 3-month-long break from school, she goes nuts. Your horoscope... by spiralinghaloName:Zodiac sign:You will realize:you're a horny bitch.You should avoid:tickling people and asking for money.Your new love interest:their name has two consonants in it.Created with the ORIGINAL MemeGen! tickling people and asking for money is what i'm best at, yo.

let's watch it burn for miles <3

2004-04-29T11:34:00.000-07:00

today's just one of those sit-on-the-back-porch-and-listen-to-big-band-classics all day. ahhh. it's nice. and the weather outside is just on the verge of raining. so it's hot and humid, but there's a breeze. then every five minutes the clouds shift, it's either blazingly bright or overcast and the colors look so rich you could eat them. being such a romantic sap is gonna get me in trouble one of

shut your ass, and sell a car!

2004-04-27T23:56:00.000-07:00

for those of you who think i'm not doing any work at my dad's place, YES i am, thanks. they currently have two cars that i cannot stop drooling over: 2001 Lexus IS300 — 4-door, fully loaded 2003 Nissan 350Z — 2-door, fully loaded with navigation system buy them for me? ;)

your favorite music sucks.

2004-04-25T03:48:00.000-07:00

*i've lost weight! i've lost weight! hey!hey!hey!hey!* isn't it a beautiful thing when you want that to happen, and it does? my life has been random and weird these past few days. first off, you should seriously check out the strip club, the man in uniform, the comedian and the wal-mart avenger. so how has my life been random, you ask? hmm...aside from the redneck adventures, i got up all early

redneck adventures, volume one

2004-04-21T00:53:00.000-07:00

so i'm in the kitchen and i hear the lawnmower crank up and a loud screeching of tires soon after. i go outside and what do i see? my punkass brother (15yr old) and his friend making doughnut-shaped skidmarks in our driveway, peeling off in the yard and popping reversed wheelies with our john deere riding mower. they were literally riding it like they would a bull. my other brother (17yr old)

picture time, ho.

2004-04-16T13:33:00.000-07:00

decided to put some pictures up of myself since i'm insanely bored and have a cold, thus preventing me from most other activities. (1) bow before queen mella cause she owns you, bitches. (2) my new favorite shirt. viva la target. (3) 3 of 4 of my new DIY shirts ©2004 Melissa Rutledge. (4) kleen yo mirra, ho. i'm really not spitting up on it, i promise. (5) the obligatory emo LJ pic. and

i really <3 my job at the station

2004-04-13T13:30:00.000-07:00

Dear Melissa, You rock. Sincerely, Kevin. *

bleachy-haired honky bitch

2004-04-12T14:42:00.000-07:00

i heart hollis gillespie. i do believe she's my soulmate—and that's not just the new-found lesbian in me talking! :snicker: so i officially have a full-on crush. on a BOY, can you believe it?! it's so damn weird and i absolutely hate, hate, hate it. it's so fucking silly. like, just seeing his name float by while i'm scrolling through the list of numbers on my cellphone, makes me lose my breath.

hello, i'm a new-found lesbian.

2004-04-11T14:26:00.000-07:00

the slipknot show was great (despite the fact that i went alone because of a big emergency back in savannah that prevented my friends from coming up). the tabernacle is pretty frackin' huge. i stayed on the ground floor for the majority of the show. and i basically ended up telling some skankerific guy that i was a lesi and that my girlfriend would kill him. he was very persistent, however, and

if you cut the rug more than you lifted the mug, i might be impressed

2004-04-02T18:21:00.000-08:00

workity work is already done! yes, i finished the last of the car photos needed for my dad's work's site. had to photograph, adjust, document and upload photos for nearly 100 cars. easy work, but sorta mind-numbing due to all the system problems i had (I OFFICIALLY FUCKING HATE PCs!!). in friggin' great news, slipknot, fear factory and chimaira are tomorrow night!! YEE! so i'm not really missing

i <3 kneesocks

2004-03-28T15:15:00.000-08:00

went back to savannah for a night (thursday) to pick up my final packaging project. i was just excited no one had stole it in the two weeks it had been sitting out on the shelves, all vulnerable in that horrid graphic design building and such. saw "dawn of the dead" with 8 boys. baha, WTF? is all i have to say. i do admit though that it was much less-crappy than i thought it would be. good

damn you darkness!!

2004-03-24T12:22:00.000-08:00

only about a week and a half till me and about a dozen of my friends (from savannah AND home) are going to see slipknot and fear factory on the jagermeister tour!! this is the most excited i've been about a show in about a year or two. it's going to be chaotic, bitches. ;) there are sooo many good shows in atlanta and back in savannah that i want to go to but really shouldn't spend my little

another random and useless entry

2004-03-13T10:00:00.000-08:00

January 10, 1996 Today on "Days of Our Lives," Stefano almost found out who the "lady in white" is! They've already showed her face, they just won't say what her name is. I didn't have to go to school today. Mandy said she got bored without me in Georgia Studies. She told me that Jessica's got the flu too and that she stayed out of school today. I've got lots of make-up work and a couple of tests

mmm...smells like finals

2004-03-13T09:42:00.000-08:00

if you are an ignorant person with a flaringly retarded temper, be advised: stay away from mel or she will strangle you until your last breath with her bare hands. bitches. and oh yeah...I'M RICK JAMES, BITCH! <3's

i got the curves, and i got the nerve, baby

2004-03-10T18:07:00.000-08:00

while packing up my apartment, i found this: Melissa's One-Year Diary—1996 Introduction: This diary was given to me on 12-15-95 by Amanda. My full name is Melissa R------. I live in Cedartown, GA. My address is --------. I have two brothers—Brett and Eliot. I am thirteen. My birthday is August 28. My favorite colors are green and purple. I listen to alternative. My favorite bands are the

hey don't you go and cut your hair, do you think it's gonna make him change?

2004-03-01T16:48:00.000-08:00

so this really sweet-and-insanely-popular girl that i've had a few classes with was raving about my hair last night. i just can't get over people's reactions. it's not giving me a big head or anything—i'm just really not used to it. i went home this weekend and the fam liked it too. my youngest brother turned 15 and i'm 21 so in georgia he can legally drive if i'm in the car (eesh). it's scary as

one step express

2004-02-27T12:21:00.000-08:00

my day-to-day life has been totally, absolutely weird as hell lately, but in a good way. (monday): random chit chat in my illy class when all of a sudden my prof says, "...and i had this dream last night and melissa was in it." my face turned so frackin' red. apparently he had this dream that he was in a bike race (a la tour de france style) and he was rounding the curve of a square when i come

google is a magical fruit...

2004-02-25T10:25:00.000-08:00

i was bored last nite and google-ing my name and come up on a random freshman who likes one of my district articles so much that she typed it up and put it on her site. i'm still blushing. i also got an e-mail from a girl who really liked my satirical valentine's schmalentine's article. it's weird to think that both of those were written in like 15-30 mins tops. but shhh, that's my secret.

they caught you laughing

2004-02-14T17:46:00.000-08:00

saw puma reflex last nite! really, really cool show. they had these screens in front of them so you could only see their shadows and the lights behind them. and when saying their thank-you's they mentioned scad radio first and then said my name!!! that's the first time that ever happened. i was so happy :) lotta scad radio djs showed up. two in particular kept making fun of the band the entire

i'm about as affectionate as a rock in your shoe

2004-02-11T21:00:00.000-08:00

boing, boing. last day at the paper, woot! i'm not as excited as i should be but i think it's because i have a whole shit load of homework tapping me on the shoulder right. as. i. type. this. the valentine's issue is gonna be damn hilarious (coming out on stands tomorrow). good issue to go out on ;) in other great news, my brother got into georgia tech!!! he's a genius, i tell you. i'm all

BITCHES LOVE ME CAUSE THEY KNOW THAT I CAN RAWK

2004-02-08T15:20:00.000-08:00

(in the projects...uh, uh) thanks to someone at the station, i finally have a copy of an MSI cd :) you can play pong on their site (i've been playing it on there for like 3 years). went to the gcpa awards for the paper yesterday. big pain in the ass since i'm quitting soon. texas was so much better. saw this emo kid from back home (goes to the big F.U.--same place i took math at for one summer

fight my crazies

2004-01-31T20:27:00.000-08:00

the evil one came by today. obviously not for me, but he did ask me how i was, defiant smirk and all. i should've kicked him down the back steps while he was on his way out. i haven't done hardly any work today as far as homework goes. where do all the hours go? i'm obsessed with this show called "defined" that the society of illustrators is doing at my school, and i've been working for a few

please don't kick me

2004-01-30T01:23:00.000-08:00

this has been the worst week of my life, collectively. failed my first project ever. car broke down. $500 worth of repairs. had to skip two classes. extremely behind in both. sleep is me passing out when my body is finally too exhausted to keep cutting miniscule pieces of bristol board with my xacto blade. have small dashes of 2-3hours of sleep at a time, usually during the day, hardly ever at

gimme taste, gimme funk, gimme fury, gimme some mo'

2004-01-29T23:54:00.000-08:00

upon seeing me tonight, someone i work with bluntly asked me, "are you like, going on a date or something?" me: "um, no. why?" person: "because you actually brushed your hair, you look nice....and you MATCH!" me: "shut up. you're a douche bag." person: "...you never dress in anything other than a t-shirt." me: "die."

um, what the fuck are you thinking

2004-01-24T21:46:00.000-08:00

see? more of a statement than a question. so what the fuck are you thinking. yeah, i'm talking to you. the person who's been just blatantly mean to me for the past handfulla years, but always tries to pull it off like it's indirect. what the fuck are you thinking. all of a sudden when you get lonely i'm supposed to be there and we're magically back to being the best of friends. always when you

2004-01-23T04:30:00.000-08:00

almost persuaded Last night all alone at a party Met a man with a drink in his hand He had soft brown eyes and coal black hair And a smile any girl could understand. Then he came and sat down at my table As he placed his warm hand on mine I found myself wanting, longing to kiss him For temptation was flowing like wine. And I was almost persuaded to strip myself of my pride Almost persuaded to

2004-01-20T22:59:00.000-08:00

hella mella...i like the ring of that got engaged during my show on sunday. i asked gnarly scotty, the most win kid on the east coast, to marry me and he said yes! you can go buy me wedding gifts now. he's just that damn hella hot. here's a pic of him.

2004-01-18T12:04:00.000-08:00

i'll be here with sticks and stuff there's this kid i know and am around a lot just because we are associated with the same thing and we have a lot of mutual friends and we're always at the same parties. a person close to me (an ex-best-friend-who's-still-a-good-friend-even-tho-we're-not-as-close-as-we-used-to-be type person) is in love with this kid, or was. so there's huge, bulking shatastic